Swapping fat for muscle? Two months later.

Well it's been two months. I still disgust myself. I look at these before and after pictures and really have to look to see some difference. I know that there is some but since it has come off in direct proportions it looks the same. My belly is smaller but so is my waist, so the fat still hangs over. Oh well, I am stronger and notice a difference in how I feel.

It looks like I have a long way to go to be eye candy at the pool this summer! Thanks to Ken Lewis, I have the time!

It was two weeks, two inches off the belly. Now it's two months, 2 3/4 inches off the belly and 1 inch off the waist. The weight, actually exactly the same. Swapping fat for muscle. I do like that!


Still not there yet! But moving in the right direction.

N.B.

Happy Birthday!

Well today is my wife's birthday. She isn't as excited about it. I think that being pregnant and turning 37 isn't helping. When at every Dr. visit they utter something about her "advanced maternal age" that doesn't help either. I mean what do they think they are doing to a hormonally charged woman when they say stuff like that?

I think you look great sweetie. You aren't old and will never be as old as I am. Now you want to feel old, walk in these shoes for a while. Try fat and old, at least you still look Hot!

The other night I was having trouble sleeping, seems to be the case lately, so I just rolled over on my side and watched you sleep for a while. I couldn't help but be thankful that it was you there in my bed. You looked so beautiful and so peaceful. I felt lucky. I felt lucky for me and for our children. You are a terrific wife and a fantastic mother. This new little one is so blessed to have you.

I really don't know what I did to deserve such a blessing in my life. Despite my struggles, challenges, fears and successes you have always been there and stuck with me, maybe even when you shouldn't have. You are a rock! You are the key to our families success! With you on our side we can go far!

I hope you like your presents! Here is an early one for you!


Happy Birthday Sweetie! I love you!

N.B.

Have you seen the weight room? (Try not to throw up!)

Well. I in general disgust myself. How father time has not been kind! I knew I was OK as long as the pants didn't go past parity 34x34. Well this past year I had to buy a pair of 35x34 and knew that I was done. Life was over. So thanks to the "free time" I have now I joined the gym, and have worked out almost everyday.

You might remember my old diet/weight loss program. Well now its about the same just with some added gym time.

Two weeks, Two inches around the belly button, still look gross.



Did you look at the picture? Still not there yet!
N.B.

Welcome 2009 (mind leaving already?) Or Ken Lewis is a TOOL!

AHH, its been too long since I updated this thing. I have tons of great blog material I just never took the time. Needless to say 2008 was pretty bad. 2009 didn't start much better. Thanks Ken Lewis, Extraordinary Measures indeed.

Thanks Ken for the Sucky bonus, and the layoff notice! Go figure, I loose $150,000 on a trade and I have a manager all up in my grill wondering what is going on. Ken makes a deal looses billions and I am the one out of a job. I am sure that cutting me is saving the bank since I make less than 1/10 what he does and don't make near as many mistakes at my job!

What do you have to say for your self Ken? I will just tell my wife that still doesn't have a house you are sorry, My kids that pray that I will get a new job each day and can't sleep, you will take care of everything, and My unborn 4th child that Cobra is cool! I am getting more gym time in and started the "Layed off Hotness program!" So thanks for the extra time.

The only thing that makes me happy is signing into my free Bloomberg trial each day, seeing BAC stock tanking each day and the world knowing you are a dope. I cheer for the stock to go down. I know I am losing much less then you are!

$3.77 Low on the day today! I couldn't be happier!



Banker of the year? My A$$

Two weeks into my layoff...Still Bitter. 2009, sad to say Feb 5th I wish it was 2010.

N.B.

Shopping for something nice!

Well its been almost two weeks. If I am being honest I miss my wife and kids. OK I really miss my wife and kids. I figured with a couple days before I head out to meet them I should pick up a little something nice for the Mrs.

I had some trouble deciding maybe anyone that sees this can vote and weigh in with your opinions. I would hate to buy the wrong thing.

Here we go contestant #1 : Hot Stuff!


Contestant #2 Man (I am assuming as in I'm the Man!)


Contestant #3: Pirate!


I didn't choose any of these but My vote would be #3 Pirate! Probably because I just want to keep saying, "Arg, Surrender Your Booty!"

After all I am a butt man.

N.B.

"Crap Car" or Get me a BB gun!

OK so I written about how much I love my Caddy so you can understand my unhappiness when I was greeted with this!



Freakin'Birds! Why if I had my gun I would....

It reminded me of a funny story/experience we had out here about 8 years ago. There were some people we knew and in speaking to them one day we found out that their car had been stolen. They had reported it. The cops had the report and after a month they still had not recovered the vehicle. It wasn't even like it was a nice vehicle, I think it was a ford escort or something like that.

So my wife and I head to a grocery store. It wasn't our usual grocery store. We park our car under this tree and get out. Sitting in the spot next to us is this black car, only you couldn't tell it was really black. It had no spot larger then 2-3 inches that wasn't covered by bird crap. It had to have been parked under that tree forever. It looked something like this.



To make a long story short we run into the car folks again and we tell them about this story of the "Crap Car". They say funny, well they recovered our car. We said Sweet where was it, was everything OK or did the thieves trash it. They said No, everything was OK it was just covered with a little bird crap!

They lived with in walking distance of the store, but he drove the car instead. After shopping he walked home and forgot about it. They woke up the next morning and thought that the car was stolen, and there it sat in the A&P parking lot for a month getting coated with crap and no one knew.

I guess it could have been worse, even so, birds you better hope we don't meet up!

N.B.

Counting Calories! Not!

Well I posted about my awesome Sunday dinner so I figured I would post a bit more about how great it is to be flying solo and being able to eat those things that my kids beg for every Saturday.

Feeling well? Feeling Alone? Feeling Blue? If so I recommend any of these it is keeping my spirits up, especially the Diet Dr. Pepper.

It is the delicious elixir of life!



Hope you are doing well.

N.B.

Killing two Birds with one Stone!

Ahh... Alone time day 10. Only 5 more days to get everything on my list done. I better get busy! Either I am really enjoying my alone time or I am miserable and scraping the bottom of the barrel. I will let you decide.

Here was Sunday dinner. Cold cereal. Cinnamon life, it's one of the few things I have bought at the grocery store since the family left. I loved the stuff growing up figured it was a nice treat to help me feel young and alive. The other thing I bought, Oreo Cookies, Double Stuf.

Now before you start feeling sorry for me, I will mention that I did receive a very nice dinner invitation by an awesome family, but when I finally have my alone time, I just want to relax and eat in front of the TV. I don't want to leave the house to go to dinner somewhere else, I don't think I am alone on this one. Anyway, Back to my dinner.

So as I was preparing my Sunday feast I saw the cookies on the counter. My mind raced, as my eyes darted from one package to the other, Cinnamon life - Dinner, Oreo - Dessert...mmm...Cinnamon life - Dinner, Oreo - Dessert...mmm...Cinnamon life - Dinner, Oreo - Dessert...mmm...

Then I had a brilliant idea, They both get dipped in milk, why don't I combine them and have Dinner and Dessert at the same time. I do have limited time and I need to pack as much as I can into the next five days.

What a delicious time saving idea! I can't wait to see what the next 5 days bring!



N.B.

Alone Time = A Lame Time

Today it really hit me that I am all alone. When I came in the door tonight there was no one here to great me with a kiss. No kids running and fighting to see who could give dad the first hug. At least they call it the first hug.

I call it the first shot to the nuts. If I have things in my hands and can't aggressively block. I get hit every time. I don't know what it is but it's like a magnet, like the old "kick me" signs you used to stick on someones back. Maybe they are just perfectly situated to be repeatedly hit, kicked, jumped on, etc. I mean I can't even have a kid lay by me in bed without getting kicked all night long. It usually drives me crazy and yet today I missed it. I missed it all. No noise, no fighting, no laughing, nothing.

I wondered what I might be able to do to occupy my time. Don't get me wrong some alone time is good but I have had 5 days of alone time. I guess they say if you can't enjoy yourself who will, right? No that's not right, maybe they say, if you don't like spending time with yourself who will? Anyway, I don't know what they say but I can get bored of myself after about 10 minutes. I did think of one thing. I would would really like to do this for a few hours.


Well I do have the blog to catch up on but I haven't had much time to do that. I have been working on other items on my list. I hope to have more time tomorrow. I did check another item off the list though, I played Guitar Hero and Rock Band tonight until the neighbor downstairs knocked on the ceiling. Twice! At least I can feel like I accomplished something today!

Oh well it's late. I should already be in bed but I just can't sleep. I have a client lunch tomorrow and will be getting home early. Maybe I will add go swimming to the list of things to do. That sounds fun!



Goodnight my friends, and to my wife and kids, I miss you and I love you!
N.B.

(You Want To) Make a Memory?

Won some tickets from work to the concert tonight. Since we are sponsoring the Concert (it probably is my bonus) I am a VIP so we will be hanging in a roped off section close to the stage. It should be awesome!

I have always thought it would be cool to attend one of the famous concerts in NYC Central Park and this should be a good one.

Stayed up late downloading and listening to music so that I know all the songs. (Not that I needed much to job my memory it was just an excuse to stay up late and download some music I didn't have.

As a result of my late night, I was able to cross part of #3 off my "list of things to do". I slept in VERY late on Saturday. I also have worked on #1. This is the second post and more will be coming.

So far "Alone Time" isn't too bad. I sort of like not having to much to worry about! I am sure it will hit me tomorrow.

N.B.

SOLO!

It's True, I am flying solo for 16 days. They wife and kids left this morning for the west coast. I will join them in a couple of weeks.

Finally some "alone time" to work on he list of things I want to get done.

My List:
1) Catch up on the blog. I have about 7 drafts that needed updating to publish.
2) Play guitar hero. I will probably do this a lot!
3) Sleep in on Saturday and to a small extent Sunday.
4) Take the bow out and go shooting.
5) Golf
6) Do it all over again, and again, and again...

I am pretty sure none of these things are on my "honey do" list, but heck I haven't found that yet so I am home free.

I hope your next two weeks will be as free and exciting as mine!

N.B.

P.S. Sweetie, Kids I am just kidding I will miss you after a few days!

I can't take him anywhere!

I love the Caddy. It has the bench seats (love those on a date), velvet interior and all the bells and whistles. Yea sure it is old but when it came out it had all the latest technology. It still has low miles, looks and runs great!

However sometimes I think it has a mind of its own. I think he appreciates my driving but I really think he prefers others behind the wheel (read the ladies). Maybe it makes him feel like he is back in the arms of his original owner. Maybe he likes the way they feel on the velvet, or maybe they just treat him a bit better then the old, fat guy that forces him to race to the train in the morning before he even gets to warm up. I can actually relate since I feel the same way most days.

So I wasn't surprised when we bonded the other day. He saw this newer caddy and just couldn't resist pulling up right behind her. He sat there idling, a bit too close in my opinion. He even asked me to take a picture.



I guess we are both butt men.

N.B.

Happy Fathers Day!

What a great day! Wake up to the sound of kids kicking your wife in the bed. Then get up at 7 AM to go put on a video for the littlest one who just can't seem to sleep or hold still despite his outspoken desire to "snuggle". Nothing like that to remind you that you are a dad! Happy Father's Day!

After another quick snooze I was greeted by all three kids holding a tray with breakfast in bed, waffles, bacon, strawberries and loads of presents. Despite my wish list (which included nothing) a gift giving day can't go by without my wife and the kids getting something. Thanks guys I love the stuff!

Later in the day we had a BBQ with a couple of other families. During which the adults started talking and openly wondered why on Fathers or Mothers day we each viewed it as a day to get away from our families and have some "our time" or "alone Time"? We didn't want to work, take care of the kids, clean up etc. Why on a day that is supposed to celebrate those things do we want to get away from it all?

I am not sure if it is the usual stress that comes from marriage and family relations, the fact that on the calendar it says "Father's Day" so it is one day to think of yourself, or a combination of both. I do know that on this day it is nice to be thought of, to be pampered a bit and to sit back and "enjoy the love", to see and feel the excitement of those that know and love you the most. I am blessed!

Despite what my wife and kids might think after my ranting, arguing, scolding and impatience, I have wanted nothing more throughout my life then to be a Husband and father.

I realized a couple things yesterday:
1) I have some really great people to look up to and follow after.

My Father - What a great man. He was always working hard so that we could have some of the comforts of life. I always felt loved and safe growing up. He took time to support me in activities, and help me with homework. He took an interest in the things I was interested in. We did things together and he taught me many of life's lessons. I haven't lived at home for over 15 years but he still takes care of me and my family. It has and continues to mean a lot. Thanks Dad I love you.

My Friends - What great fathers and husbands. I really enjoy your families and watching how you interact with your wives and kids. You are their heroes. They light up when you are around. You give them love, hope and excitement. You teach your boys how to be fathers and your daughters how they should expect a husband to treat them. I have really learned that when it comes to time with your children it is quality not quantity. I have learned that by watching you. You are each different in dealing with your spouses. I admire the husbands that you are, the relationships you have with your wives and look to emulate the best traits I see in each of you.

2) I really am not very good at this Husband and Father thing yet.

Despite nearly 15 years of marriage and 10 years of fatherhood I was reminded again yesterday that I am not very good at this. I continue to make mistakes, some of them worse then others. I learned that I have been making many of them for years and years. Some without even knowing I was doing it. It seems like I have to learn the same lessons more then once. I get frustrated, short and impatient with those that I care the most about. Sometimes I think I am not very nice. At times I think my family deserves better.

Thanks to all those that help me be better, that give me hope, that while difficult show me that it really is worth it. That it is worth working on it, because in the end I am responsible for creating that same environment I grew up in, warmth, love, understanding and trust.

I always thought I would be good at this. I always thought that I would be an awesome husband and father. That I would be one of those guys that everyone looked up to and thought "he is awesome". It's a sad realization that I am not. It is hard to admit that I am not what I wanted to be or that I thought I could be. I hope to work on those things this year, to gain that trust, to earn that love and respect that is continually shown to me. To be looked up to, thought about and respected like I have seen in those great examples in my life.

I am not there yet! Fortunately I have more time to improve and get there.

N.B.

Umm...Missed a loop

Not just one. I think he actually only hit two total. The first and last!

I am awful!
N.B

New Diet: Stress and Salad!

Tired of being "over chubby" tired of wearing "aggressive pants", and tired of being past parity, I talk a good talk about needing to make some changes. It was only a month ago when I explained my predicament here.

Well I am not sure exactly what is doing it. I haven't been working out like I should; in fact I haven't worked out at all. I even let my gym membership lapse. Since I moved to a new building for work even my walk to the train is cut in half. I am not sure how but my 35" waist is down to a solid 34" and closer to a 33". I have lost about 10lbs, and the before shot won't look as horrible as it really was. (I know you've been waiting all year for those photos).

I know that it kills my wife and probably other women out there that have to work out hours at the gym, watch what they eat, reduce portions and count calories just to get these results. I guess somehow I was blessed with great "diet genes" or I was able to boost my metabolism back up to what it used to be when I was younger. Either way it is working so I thought I would pass along my secrets.

> Eat smaller portions
> Add Stress
> Drink Diet Dr. Pepper daily (2-3 a day should work)
> Less late night snacking
> Eat grilled chicken and salad for lunch

That's all I have done! I know it even disgusts me. To think I was getting fluffy around the middle and it was this easy :p

Now with all the news about Salmonella coming from bad Tomato's, I think I am going to shy away from my usual diet for a while. I wouldn't recommend eating tainted salad as a good weight management plan. From the description of the symptoms it doesn't sound appealing, even if you are desperate. So on my salad hold the tomato's, come to think of it I don't really like spinach that much either. So hold that too. I will just take the rest.



Don't hate me because I am dropping the fat and weight. Hate me because by the end of the summer I will finally be Hot!

Not there yet! I am still working on it.

N.B.

Commute #2 (Twister anyone)?

I have a bit of time on my hands and figured it was about time to blog again. This is a commute post that some can probably relate to.

Train trouble. Winter just seems to bring out the best, delays, wet, dirty and of course Metro North had to have the train short a car so even though I am there early, the train gets packed and my commute gets ugly. No problem I thought I just got the new IPOD, I'll put in the headphones and disappear (Nap) from the commute for 30 minutes. So while I was leg locked in a game of twister with 3 other passengers along comes some other DB that wants the 5th seat, in the corner, where there is already no room. Right foot on Green!

I have to digress for a paragraph. When I think of Twister, I can't help but think of my 10th anniversary, Sandals resort. Adults only, about 80% of the people are there on their honeymoon the other 20% are on their anniversary. We go down to the concierge office to pick out some movies or games to play and there in the cabinet with UNO, and backgammon is Twister. Twister? Are you serious? At an adults only, Honeymoon resort, Twister? Now I pride myself on being a bit freaky and usually don't get creeped out, but even that was a bit much for me to handle. So if you go to Sandals St. Lucia and stay in the ocean view concierge suite, think of me while you are playing twister in your room.

OK. Back to the commute. So I get waken up by this guy that wants to move in. I have the headphones blasting trying to forget where I am, and I say under my breath, "you have to be kidding". However with the Headphones on it sounded like, "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!". The guy just looked at me and then proceeded to sit down in the seat anyway.

For the record this is not a good ride home!


And Mr. Green Shirt. I don't know what you think you are packing but don't flatter yourself. Be considerate and don't take up unnecessary space, I doubt you needed it!

N.B.

Ever Feel like this?

Walking home from the train saw this old broken guitar laying in the grass by the side of the road. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Maybe its just me.

Not there yet!

N.B.

Communication #2 or Commute #1

Everyday I ride a train from my home town (Village) to NYC and back again. I go in early in the morning, usually see the same people, sit in almost the same seat (See Do I look fat in these pants? post earlier about my predictable nature), and ride the same train.

People that early in the morning generally know the proper "Train Etiquette" I say hi to my friends and chat while on the train platform, but once the train doors open and you find your seat. Proper etiquette dictates that you shut your yapper, leave me alone and don't talk to me or anyone else (Especially on your cell phone). My friends say have a great day, I say the same and we don't say another word. None needs to be said. I have after all counted this 30 minutes into my allotted sleep time and I don't want anyone destroying it.

So why is it that on the way home people always seem to forget these rules? They talk on their cellphones, pack into the middle seat and generally drive me crazy.

Here are a couple of examples. I will have many more to come.

#1 Leg Man!


Why is it that when I am sitting in one of the end "4 square seats" that I have to get that late dude that runs onto the train just as the doors close want to sit by me. He has the nerve to come up and wants me to move my legs so that he can sit in the seat. He is usually sweating and breathing heavy. He moves past all the other proper people that are standing in the doorway (because even they know that you don't go sit there). I would love to say something like "I don't wrap my legs around dudes" or "If I want heavy breathing and intertwined legs I'll make a date with my wife not a trip on the 5:33, find another seat".

Occasionally there are some perks to the ride. They are few and far between but I do enjoy them when they come. She had Dumps like a truck, truck, truck, Thighs like a what, what, what, baby move your butt, butt, butt, I think I'll sing it again.



So there you have it a couple of things that drive me crazy and leave me speechless.
I need to learn to communicate better or just have to suck it up and accept the consequences.

Enjoy,
N.B.

Communication

I am not sure why I just don't get it. Sure I act like I am 15 sometimes (Some may argue most times), but mentally have I not moved beyond that? Have I not learned anything? Have 15 years of marriage not taught me anything?

Finally, I sat down and had a great talk with my wife the other day. Communication really is the key. It was great! Reminded me of the good old days when we weren't "too busy". I needed the reminder. It seems I can't remember anything lately.

Thanks Honey, for being patient, forgiving and willing to put up with me. You reminded me why I fell in love with you so many years ago, and why despite everything I do, you love me and really are my best friend.

Afterwards, I felt so close to you and so much in love. Now granted one talk doesn't fix everything or make every wrong I have ever done go away, but it made me want to keep talking and working on things. I want to be better. You deserve it. You are a great listener.

For anyone that reads this. Go talk to your spouse, significant other, a friend, or "your Person". We all have those few people in our lives that we can do anything, say anything, tell anything, and they still like us or even love us. Tell them thanks for being there, for all they do, that you appreciate and love them. Keep the communication open, it is what part of life is all about.

It would be a sad world without those people. I am grateful for mine.

Thanks family, friends, my person and my best friend, my Wife.

Sweetie you are the best thing in my life, I can't imagine it without you. Thanks for your patience and love, and most of all thanks for communicating with me. It makes all the difference in the world.

I am not there yet! But I am working on it and with your help and communicating with me I have hope that I may actually get there someday.

N.B.

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

Why do we hurt the ones we love?


Why do I hurt the ones I love?
That is the real question.

It seems lately that I have been hurting those that I care about the most. A quick Google search for “Why do we hurt the ones we love” yields 1,450,000 results. A few more than I can weed through in a day. At least the sheer number of hits gives me some comfort in the fact that I am not alone. However, I do feel alone. I feel ashamed and weak. I feel like I have let everyone down, failed those that counted on me the most, needed me the most, and in turn I failed myself.

I haven’t lived up to their expectations, my expectations, and it seems I can’t. It feels like I have failed everyone, God, family, friends and me. They all deserve better.

When I sit back and think about it, I guess I haven’t been myself lately. I am stressed at work, church, and at home. I have lost my patience and things that don’t really matter send me over the edge. Things that matter a lot don’t seem to give me the same enjoyment, happiness or balance that they used to.

The other night my 4 year old was talking in bed, wouldn’t stop, so I hit him with the pillow. The look on his face was total shock. He was scared and almost crying. It didn’t physically hurt him but I could tell it hurt him. I won’t forget it. That isn’t me, that isn’t the dad I want to be, that isn’t what he deserves.

It seems like this is a nightly routine, I get home, sometimes I'll eat, and yell at the kids to do their homework, eat their dinner or pick up their things. Then it is a rush to get them into bed, more yelling and scolding. Brush your teeth, get your pajamas on, you don’t need another drink, why didn’t you go to the bathroom before, you just went to the bathroom, you don’t need medicine, get back in bed, this music is fine.

AHHHHHHHHHH! Dad snaps.

Sure I provide the money for them to do things, to have things that I never had, but in the end all of it will matter very little if they don’t know I love them, don’t feel like they can come to me to talk about anything, and hate me when they are older. What kind of a life is that? They didn’t sign up for this. They wanted something better, deserved something better. They deserve a good dad.

Finally I get to sit down with my lovely wife, who really is the best part of me. She is smart, funny, beautiful, fit and a great mom. She cares about our family, others and me. Of all the people that I know, she deserves the best! I should tell her that, should tell her she is the best! But I fail in that too. I assume she knows how much I love an appreciate her. It seems actions do speak louder than words, and my actions haven’t sent the right message. What does she have after years and years? She has a husband that lets her down and expects too much, a string of broken promises and heartache. She is tired, under appreciated, over taxed and expected to work miracles. She didn’t sign up for this either. She deserves a partner, a lover and a friend. She deserves a better husband.

I remember in High School, one day for some reason something happened and I made fun of my best friend for something. I was teasing, joking and didn’t mean anything by whatever stupid comments I made. I realize that it hurt our friendship. It was different after that, because you aren’t supposed to do that to those you love and care about. Now I am knocking on the door of my 20 year reunion. I haven’t spoken to him in at least 10 years probably 12 or 13. I was a jerk and lost a friend. It wasn’t fair, it was stupid, and he deserved a better friend.

I am expected to be with it, on top of things, the life of the party. Things usually work out because I have always made them work out. I have helped friends, loved ones and strangers. I try to be a good person. But in the end will any of that really matter if I disappoint my own friends and loved ones?

Why can’t I fix me?

Everyone, I am sorry and I will try better, no not try, I will do better. I have to because if I don’t then the things that matter most to me will be gone.

I don’t want to wake up one day sad and alone.

You all deserve a better friend, dad and husband.

Stick with me I am not there yet!

N.B.