While I am grateful for the many men and women that have died in the service of our country (Both of my Grandfathers served in WWII), and I am equally grateful for the many people that serve in the current conflicts, I have always associated the holiday with death.
Growing up it always meant a trip with my Grandma and Parents out to the cemetery, followed by a dinner at hometown buffet. I did enjoy cleaning and polishing the headstone, trimming the grass, and leaving flowers. I think I enjoyed the trip because I was able to remember what a great man my Grandpa Schmidt was. He was one of my best friends and he taught me so many life lessons! However in the end the day reminded me that he wasn't there with me anymore, I missed him and he was gone.
I remembered how much he helped me and how much he cared about me. He helped and served others and always did the right thing. People looked up to him, respected him and so did I.
On a recent flight to Florida, I stood stuck several people deep in the aisle as we were boarding the plane. I was frustrated, so were the other passengers, no one was moving. I looked ahead to see what the hold up was and saw a lady struggling with one child in her arms, a backpack, diaper bag and a suitcase. The baby was crying clearly not happy, she was frustrated trying to hold the baby in one hand lifting the suitcase with the other trying to put it in the overhead compartment. No one helped her. I even said to my wife, "Why won't anyone help her?"
The woman struggled, sat down in the aisle seat and put the baby in the middle seat, and let out a sigh of relief, finally movement. I was shocked when the person directly behind her said "excuse me, looks like I have the window seat." Are you freaking kidding me? That person sat there in the aisle directly behind the woman watching her struggle and didn't offer to help? Then she had the nerve to let the lady sit down only to ask her to get back up with her baby so that she could move to the middle seat. I couldn't believe it.
At the time I was shocked. I couldn't believe that anyone could have been that rude and inconsiderate. But in the weeks since that flight, I think that I have been more upset realizing that I didn't say anything or more importantly do anything. In my mind I said, "Why won't anyone help her." However, I didn't say it out loud and I didn't do anything to help. My Grandpa Ralph would never have let that happen! He would have told everyone else in front of him to either help her or to get out of the way so that he could. That is the kind of man he was. He taught me better and I failed.
Another week went by when I was sitting at the train station and something caught my eye laying in the middle of the train platform.
I realized that it was a dead bird. I watched as people all walked past it, side stepping it and yet no one did anything to move it out of the way, kick it to the side or off the platform. Nothing! There it sat in the middle of the walkway and everyone kept going around it pretending they didn't notice. The 5:58 AM train arrived, people shuttled into the open train doors as did I and the dead bird just sat there.
I realized that I had done the very same thing. I noticed it, I watched it, I took a picture of it. I even watched people move and dodge trying not to step on it and in the end I just climbed on the train, heading into work like it was something important, too important to do something meaningful.
So this Memorial Day I will once again think of death. I now live too far away to go to the cemetery and clean and polish the headstones. The day will yet again be a reminder that my Grandpa Ralph, one of my best friends, still won't be with me. However, this Memorial Day will be different. You see, I was reminded in the last month how he would have done things and how he would have handled things.
He taught me to be better than that.
Are we there yet? Am I there yet?
Unfortunately, I am not. But Grandpa, thank you for not only teaching but also showing me how to be a better man. On this day, this year, almost 17 years after you died, I am going to enjoy my Memorial Day. I think I am finally ready to think of life not death. To you and all those others that have given so much for me and my family. Thank you.
I will do better.
N.B.
P.S. Grandpa, I still miss you almost every day!
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